March 23rd, 2021, a date etched in the depths. This is the day on which  UPSC, with a simple upload, unveiled the verdict of my fate in a PDF format. As I opened that PDF document, hope mingled with apprehension, but alas, it was a cruel messenger of defeat. My heart sank as I beheld the stark reality: failure. This wasn't just another attempt; it was my sixth, and alas, my final endeavor. It was a day when the significance and poignancy of the immortal words of Pash reverberated within me like a haunting echo - सबसे ख़तरनाक होता है हमारे सपनों का मर जाना

The UPSC journey is tougher and more brutal than what's portrayed in the movie "12th Fail". While the film showcases just one story among millions, there are countless others that are even more intense and heart-wrenching. The reality of facing the UPSC exams is filled with struggles and hardships that go beyond what we see on screen.

On March 23rd, 2021, I possessed a Master of Technology degree without any field experience. Conversely, my experience with UPSC provided me with extensive knowledge of politics, international relations, and various other subjects, but lacks a humanities degree. This combination holds zero value in the labor market. Being jobless is tough, but the thought of a future with limited opportunities is even more daunting. It's a situation that leaves me feeling scared and unsure of what lies ahead.

The UPSC journey left me socially isolated, with no one around to considered as a friend or seek guidance from. However, amidst this solitude, there was one person who stood by me throughout the entire journey, offering help whenever I needed it. She is Vandana. She's living far from Ahmadabad. When the final results came in, and I faced failure, my first instinct was to turn to her for guidance. I traveled 1500 kilometers just to meet her.

She suggested that I should give one chance to the career in media space. Her suggestion to explore work in the media caught me off guard. Writing was never my forte, yet she was adamant that it could be a good fit for me. On the other hand, with my engineering degree, I had been contemplating starting a late career in that field. To address my contemplating , She advised me to consider opportunities in both areas and to seize whichever one I found first. It was a difficult decision, but her words carried weight.

When I returned to home, I started crafting two resumes—one for engineering roles in infrastructure and another for the media industry. However, the task was not just challenging; it felt extremely daunting. I lacked substantial content to fill even a single page in either resume. For a 28-year-old male in India, this situation felt nothing short of hellish. I managed to create two resumes and began sending out emails for job applications. In the media industry, getting into the mainstream was like chasing a distant dream because I didn't have any formal degree. So, I applied to various semi-news portals like Scoop, hoping for a chance.

One day, while I was at Reliance Fresh, my phone rang. To my surprise, the person on the other end offered me a job in the media field. It was with the most reliable and respected TV channel in India at that time. I couldn't believe it! Without hesitation, I accepted the offer right there on the call. And to my amazement, the caller turned out to be Ravish sir, none other than Ravish Kumar from NDTV India. It wasn't sudden at all. He has known me for years and is familiar with my reading and writing skills. But that's a separate, personal matter. However, giving me the opportunity to work at NDTV is something else entirely. I had never even imagined working with him before.

March 23rd, 2021, remains etched in my memory as a day filled with trials, where uncertainty and doubt cast a shadow over my thoughts. However, as July 1st, 2021, drew closer, a glimmer of hope emerged from the darkness. In just four months, my perspective underwent a profound transformation.

The idea of stepping into the media industry hadn't even occurred to me until Vandana's encouragement nudged me in that direction. But when I landed a job in the media sector, particularly with one of the most esteemed channels, I couldn't share this significant achievement with Vandana, the very person who had inspired me to embark on this journey.

As July approached its end, another challenge surfaced. On July 28th, my uncle received a devastating diagnosis of terminal cancer. On that very day, amidst the chaos and emotional turmoil, I found myself in the hospital, completing paperwork to join NDTV.

The timing couldn't have been more challenging, and the journey ahead appeared daunting. With no prior experience in the media industry or any workplace environment, stepping into this new chapter while emotionally fragile and amidst the turmoil of the COVID-19 pandemic felt overwhelming. However, it was through the compassion and support of my seniors and colleagues that I was able to navigate through this turbulent time and ultimately find success.

I want to pour out my deepest thanks to Ravish Sir, Shuhil Mahapatra Sir, Bahugna Sir, Sanket Sir, Vipul Ji, Vishwa Ji, Vrinda,Shubhangi and Karmveer. Their unwavering support was my lifeline during this chaotic period. Even though I only met Ravish Sir in person, their encouragement and kindness knew no bounds. Their support was everything to me, guiding me through the toughest times. I'll forever be grateful for their belief in me and their unwavering solidarity.

In His farewell letters to the NDTV staff, Ravish sir writes the following words for me. These words carry more value to me than a formal journalism degree from any prestigious college.

अहमदाबाद से एक सहयोगी हैं, सूचक पटेल. सरकार के दस्तावेज और संसद की रिपोर्ट पढ़ने में सूचक किसी को भी मात दे सकते हैं. सूचक किसी दिन खुल गए और उनकी प्रतिभा को अवसर मिला तो नई लकीर खींच देंगे.

Throughout last three year of journey, the support of one person stands out as truly memorable. I will forever be grateful to him for his unwavering kindness. That person is Hridayesh Joshi. On March 23rd, 2021, I tweeted, "A long journey came to an end today (without reaching the destination)." He replied following -

It says words hold a magical power, and if that's true, then Joshi sir's reply embodied that magic. Three years ago, when he responded to my tweet, I saw it as just another attempt to console a defeated person. But now, as I reflect back, I realize that his words played a significant role in helping me let go of my aspirations in UPSC and embrace new endeavors.Over the past three years, I've reached out to him over a hundred times, and not once did my message go unanswered. Every single time, he replied.

As Zakir Khan once shared in an interview -

I may not have tasted success yet as Zakir did, but having hit rock bottom, I understand the value of these words. That's why the support of Vandana, Ravish Sir, and Joshi Sir has been invaluable to me over years. It's not merely their support that aids me, but the feelings that they are there is sufficient to embolden me to explore unfamiliar territories. Support from these individuals may not seem like a big deal to them, or it may just be business as usual.But for me, standing at rock bottom with a bleak future ahead, their support was nothing short of life-saving. It felt like being a heart patient receiving aid from a ventilator.

Not only did I receive support from these three individuals, but also from many whom I had never met or even spoken to before. When I needed to apply for an international fellowship and required a letter from a publication house, I reached out to Down to Earth, citing Joshi Sir's reference and withing minutes Richard Mahapatra, the Managing Editor, issued it. Despite never having any prior interaction with Richard, he graciously issued the letter to support my article. Similarly, Mayank Agarwal, whom I had never met, offered guidance for a prestigious fellowship of IIT Kanpur. There's Purvi, Vandana's friend. She also extends her kind support in crafting narrative pieces about the workings of NGOs and stories from the Himalayan region. Their unexpected support was truly invaluable to me.

It's been three years since the conclusion of my six-year-long UPSC journey—a journey that consumed the most energetic years of my life. Initially, I viewed those six years as "wasted," but now I see them as possibly "invested." While the return on investment remains uncertain, one thing is certain: I've been granted invaluable opportunities that fill me with pride, thanks to the knowledge gained during my UPSC journey.

I've had the privilege to work as a researcher on a prime-time show for NDTV—a dream for many. Collaborating with Joshi sir on two documentaries as a researcher has been an honor. Moreover, I've been awarded three prestigious fellowships: the Smithu Kothari Fellowship by CFA, the JTRC Fellowship by IIT Kanpur, and the Reporters Collective Inaugural Fellowship. During my UPSC journey, Down to Earth became my favorite source of information, and I've penned three articles for them. Furthermore, my work has been published in News laundry and Carbon Copy, amplifying my reach and impact.

Three years ago, on March 21st, I vividly remember struggling to make a single-page resume, desperately seeking employment opportunities. Today, as I sit down to update my resume, I find myself grappling with a different challenge. The wealth of experiences and accomplishments I wish to include now spans three pages, while my current resume format limits me to just two.

This doesn't signify the arrival of "good days" for me. Throughout the six precious years I devoted to UPSC, I understood and accepted that the road ahead wouldn't be smooth. Numerous hurdles littered my path, constraining my options and making the journey ahead seem daunting.

With Adani's takeover of NDTV, the departure of Ravish sir, I found myself at a crossroads. Eventually, I also made the decision to resign, realizing that the new show format no longer required the detailed research I specialized in. Opportunities in the media industry are scarce, often accessible only to those with certain connections—a privilege I lacked. Work as Independent in media professional is a luxury, not a guarantee of livelihood security. Compounded by financial challenges within family, I found myself compelled to explore other avenues. Thus, I reluctantly embarked on a conventional administrative role within a business firm run by a family friend. It wasn't the path I envisioned, but necessity dictated my choices.

Just last week, I watched a web series titled "Sapane Vs Everyone." As I immersed myself in the story line, I couldn't help but draw parallels to my own life. The lead character's struggle resonated deeply with me. Like him, I aspire to pursue my passion, albeit in writing instead of acting. However, the financial constraints within my family compel me to prioritize a regular job for the time being.

Coming back to the 12th Pass and UPSC failed, The movie "12th Failed" concludes when Manoj passes the UPSC. However, for millions like myself who failed in UPSC, the real journey begins at the point where the movie ends. The Journey is not a movie but a marathon, demanding resilience and perseverance.